Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thoughts on Evolution. No, seriously!

Have you ever wondered if humans have stopped evolving? I think we've forced ourselves onto some evolutionary plateau and we're not going anywhere anymore. My dreams of a superpowered mutant future are quashed :(

My thinking goes back to one of the basic tenets of evolution: survival of the fittest. I just think that all of our advances in technology and science mean that the genetic "winners" who by all rights should be dominating are stuck with hanging out with genetic "losers" who should really have been bred out of existence.

Take me for example :p I am in no way an example of an overall healthy human being. Just a small sampling of the illnesses passed through my family genes are: heart failure, mental disorder, cancer, glaucoma, lupus, alcoholism. I myself suffer from a whole slew of various minor & major health conditions.

If we (aka humans) didn't have things like medicine, machines, etc, my genetic line would have died off a long time ago, no doubt about it. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy being alive and all! I'm just saying that under the rules of survival of the fittest, I wouldn't even get so much as a Participant ribbon in this human race.

Imagine a world where everyone with a flawed genetic line was wiped out. What/who would be left? Those genetically dominant humans would be the ones to grow and evolve and become whatever humans turn into next (superpowered mutants!!). But here's all us genetic losers and sickys muddying up the genetic pool, bringing everyone else down.

Ok, yes, this is some weird thinking and it makes me look like I'm espousing offing anyone who isn't "perfect", but I can't help but wonder if all our technological and medical advances actually hinder our development as humans. Hmmm... I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird. (maybe?!)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Guilty, Shameful, Inexplicable Pleasure

So there's this blog that I, for ungodly reason, love the peruse:
http://www.houseofvader.com/

Let me be clear: this is some NSFW shit. I'm mighty mighty gay and a lot of this I'm like "YIKES!". If you click and browse you do so under fair warning. (now you just knooooooow you wanna check it out)

Fun fact: it's the guy better known as Manicorn, David Mason. So...hot... See: http://www.exterface.com/unicorn/

Basically he's this sex crazed, over-muscled, fetish-tastic homo who posts random comments on life interspersed with some raunchy as hell posts. Let me be clearer: I am not into fetish. I'm not into whacked out kink. I'm not some oversexed muscle mary (like he is). There should really be very little that draws me into his blog.

But then he'll go and post something as hysterically funny as this:
http://www.houseofvader.com/2008/10/visual-representation-of-my-unconcious.html

...and I'm like, yep, there it is. Never before have I seen so much love for Grace Jones, Samantha Fox, Liza Minelli, Cher, and everything kitschy gay.

Most of my reactions to the blog are "eek!" and "oh no, more penis!" but then every now and then I find myself laughing like a hyena at what he's now proclaiming to be another Creature Fiercer Than You., and it's some crazy praying mantis that pretends to be an orchid and then *NOM!* eats the bug. Or he'll make a post about having CRAZY sex with some random guy (eek) which afterwards makes him want to sit around all day and eat boxes of Froot Loops (HAA!).

If you can wade through the raunch and the weirdness, you will find a surprisingly hilarious blog, and that's good enough for me. You might have the sudden impulse to minimize your browser whenever you hear someone coming, for fear that they see you and throw you some mad shade (also, the blog will increase your gay vocabulary by at least 32%) but ignore it. They may get a laugh too.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Attempts At Baking And Other Such Oven Usage

In the oven right now I have what should hopefully become a lovely tray baked meringue, upon which I have created some whipped cream, toasted nuts and fruit topping. However, it should be noted that since I do not have an electric mixer I was forced to whip the egg white mixture by hand.

Firstly, that is tiring as FUCK and I am pretty sure that I have egg/sugar goob in my eyebrow that I'm hesitant to remove for fear that it will take part of my eyebrow with it. .

Secondly, I am 100% certain it wasn't beaten enough and therefore this monstrosity will become some warped, sweetened, baked egg goob. With whipped cream, toasted nuts and fruit topping.

Also, let me point out a detail to y'all. Toasting almonds: no problem. Toasting walnuts: no problem. Toasting coconut shavings: akin to asking someone to set your house on fire. After about 3 minutes of having them in the oven this awful, burnt, suntan-lotiony smell began emanating from the oven. I opened the oven door only to find that what was once a smattering of lovely little white coconut flakeys was now a charred, angry bed of black death. That smelled of the tropics.

Scratch the toasted coconut. Walnuts are a go though!

FIRST UPDATE: holy shit, it's the size of a house. Ok maybe not that big but it has spread to encompass the entire baking sheet. I don't know whether to eat it or to ride it across the Mushroom Kingdom.

SECOND UPDATE: HEY HEY NOW! It's nearing the end of it's bake time and it actually looks like a meringue!! A little golden baked :D

FINAL UPDATE: it's fucking delicious. A little darker on the bottom than I would've liked, but I blame that on my stupid oven and it's propensity to be irregularly warm. Small problem though: I now have a meringue the size of a fortress...and only myself to eat it. Mama's getting fat tonight!

FINAL FINAL UPDATE: ok, no. The darkened bottom ended up giving it an overtoasted marshmallow taste, and I put too much liquidy stuff on top and it was a large gooey mess. HOLY SWEETNESS BATMAN I got the diabetes from it. Still, a valiant effort and I will certainly try again, at a lower heat.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Watch This, Not This

(I'm thinking of creating a recurring feature here, wherein I look at two films: one the original version and one the remake. Lemme think on it)

So welcome to the first edition of "Watch This, Not This". Today we're going to look at [rec] versus Quarantine. [rec] was originally released in 2007 in Spain, while Quarantine came out in North America in 2008. Both follow a plucky young reporter named Angela (played by Manuela Velasco and Jennifer Carpenter, respectively) as she trails a pair of firefighters on what she expects to be a typical news story while swiftly turns into, basically, a zombie infestation in a sealed off apartment building. It's shot entirely from the POV of her cameraman which lends a distinctive, immediate, youtube-y feel to the movie. Very cool!

First thing I want to express is that while this is called "Watch This, Not This", I actually do recommend watching Quarantine. It is a rare, Americanized remake of an already excellent foreign film which is genuinely decent and scary. [rec] is likely difficult to find, so in lieu of that, grab a copy of Quarantine and be entertained and freaked out.

That said, if you can find it, [rec] is definitely the superior product. The camerawork tends to be a bit less jerky, the overall look is a hair grittier and more realistic, and the scares jump out at you a smidge more effectively. The problem I found with Quarantine is that despite the fact that it's shot from a reporters video camera, it still has too much Hollywood gloss to it. Or maybe it's the perils of watching it on Blu-Ray, with it's sharp edges and vivid colours. But [rec] comes across as being more low-fi and genuine, and that adds heaps to the atmosphere and realism (realism being a term loosely used to describe a zombie movie, of course).

Both movies suffer from having a lot of secondary characters who never really amount to much except to be appetizers on feet. I'm fine with that but a lot of the time you don't know what is happening outside the realm of the cameras lens. There are times when characters aren't on the screen and you vaguely know that zombie shit is happening somewhere, but then the next time you see the character, he or she is zombified themself and you're like "wait, what??". I suppose it makes sense because of how everything is filmed but it gets a bit disorienting sometimes. Just assume that if you haven't seen someone for a while and zombie shit has happened recently, then that person is turned.

The little girl that features prominently in both films is waaaaaaaaaay more effective in the Spanish version. Ooh shit. That's all I say.

The biggest difference I can notice between the two movies is the 10-15 minute final sequence in the attic/penthouse. I first watched Quarantine shortly after it came out and this sequence freaked the everloving poops out of me. Just recently I watched [rec], though, and this same climax is so, so, SO much freakier. I watched it alone in the dark and when...well, the final zombie comes into the picture I was just about ready to shut the whole thing off. It was THAT scary! I just watched Quarantine again tonight and with the final minutes of [rec] still fresh in my mind, it just can't compare. If you never see [rec], you will still enjoy the end of Quarantine. If you do watch [rec] you will undoubtedly agree with me.

Firstly is the explanation, vague as it is, of the source of all the troubles. Without spoiling anything [rec] is far more explicit about laying out the cause. You might not be 100% certain what the reason is but you will still be about 80-85% sure, and what you are guessing is likely correct. Quarantine takes a very different tack in both reasoning and presentation. All I will say is that the cause in [rec] and the cause in Quarantine are very, very different. And in Quarantine the viewer has to make inferences based on quick views of things within the penthouse and add them up to what they think created the zombies. Maybe it's better to leave it up to the imagination, but trying to read headlines of articles tacked to a wall as a camera goes speeding by is not my idea of 'resolution'. In comparison, it kinda cheeses me that Quarantine took such a vague route.

The camerawork in this sequence is far superior in [rec]. I know it's supposed to be just a guy holding onto his videocamera but in Quarantine it's like he loses all motor skills and we're left to whirl about the room along with him. *zip- there's a zombie! *zip there's a hospital bed! *zip- there's Angela! *zip- OH SHIT, ZOMBIE!* In [rec] he's still jittery and prone to not focusing on one thing but it's a lot smoother and easy to follow. The viewer is able to take in a lot more of the tension and atmosphere of the situation and, worse, really get to appreciate that last creature.

Oh and what a doozy she is. Maybe I'm just a sucker for night vision, but seeing anyone/thing with that creepy pale glow in the eyes is usually enough to make me curl into the fetal position (I'm looking at you Silence of the Lambs). In [rec] I'm fairly sure she HAS to be cgi, whereas in Quarantine they may have been able to use a human actor. All I know is that if [rec]-bitch ever hobbled into my line of sight I would flat out die on the spot. She's scarier in [rec], too, because you get a semi-explanation as to who she is, while in Quarantine she's just some random nasty. Knowing what you do about her makes her that much freakier. UUUUUUUGH I get the willies just thinking about it.

I sincerely hope they do an Americanized version of the sequel. I just think that based on the changes they made to the end sequence they would have to completely re-imagine the storyline of the second. The characters and their motives cannot exist in the Americanized sequel, which is too bad. (*note- I just finished watching [rec] 2, and boy howdy is it a doozy. It's not a stretch to say that it's a sequel which actually improves upon the first.)

When it boils down to it, [rec] is 100% on my list of best zombie movies ever. It doesn't rely on a lot of cheesy, over the top, or overtly grotesque special effects to sell it's zombies. Nor does is it equate 'zombie' with any sort of heavy handed metaphorical allegory. These are nasty, bitey, murderous beings that are gonna come fuck you up and that's that. By using the POV of the cameraman to put us directly in the 'combat zone', it provides a refreshingly unique approach to horror movies (remember, this was before Cloverfield and Paranormal Activity!). Quarantine is, though not equal to, nevertheless a fantastic movie in it's own right. It's still a remake which loses a little bit of the excellence of it's predecessor.

My vote: Watch This- [rec] A-
... AND This- Quarantine B

The Gayest Thing You Will Read Today (maybe ever?)

I loves me some Kylie Minogue. Which is weird because recently my musical tastes have been running far, far away from dance-pop music (yay folk-country-roots!). But no matter what may change in regards to my current musical inclinations, you throw on some Kylie and I turn into a squealing sparkleberry of girlish delight.

*starts listening to All The Lovers*

Anywhoseywhatsits, with the release of "Aphrodite", her 11th studio album and my current obsession, I thought I'd take a look back over her more recent albums and offer up my unsolicited and assinine thoughts!
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Impossible Princess- released 1997

Lead single- Some Kind Of Bliss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdfP9c2NBYA
* not gonna lie, this is easily one of my least favourite songs by her. Mostly because it's so out of sorts with everything else she's done. I can recognize the fact that by choosing this as the first single she was clearly announcing that we're in for something different with this album, but the song is bland and IMO tries too hard to be "un-Kylie". Furthermore, while Kylie isn't known for having the strongest vocal chops, this is one of the only songs I can think of where that actually becomes a detriment to the song. This begins Kylie's track record of choosing really whackadoo lead singles- just you wait!

Title track- Dreams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAI6olJmLQc
* a title track only in the sense that it contains the line "these are the dreams of an impossible princess". I often look to the title track of any album to be the defining mission statement of any album, and so I look to this one as such. I find this song very interesting. The sound is very dramatic and ominous, with loads of electric guitars thrown up against violins. The lyrics match that battle between different sounds in that they refelct a woman struggling with desires one way or another. The song reads as a woman entering maturity, having difficulty deciding what she wants in life. That confusion and desire to have it all is very reflective of the incohesiveness of the album as a whole and the mish-mash of styles that went into it.

Final thoughts: A different album, certainly. It stands out as her most unique and ambitious album by far, but one can't help but wonder if Kylie just isn't cut out for sonically adventurous type music. The choice to feature "natural" instruments like drums, guitars, and such more prominently than, say keyboards and other such electronics make for a interesting and, again, un-Kylie sound. That being said, there are some fantastic tracks on this. From the sexy synth of "Breathe", to the bratty pop of "Did It Again" (the video is one of my faves, self-aware but not narcissistic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM5jhxK1Gu0 ), the punky breeziness of "I Don't Need Anyone" and Eastern-inflected "Limbo", this is definitely a listenable album. You just need to recalibrate your expectations of what a Kylie Album is and listen accordingly.

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Light Years- released 2000

Lead Single- Spinning Around
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SH4_qANEJy8
*Remember what I said about jank lead singles? Ignore that for a moment. This has got to be one of the greatest lead singles ever. Launches out of the gate with a declaration of "I'm spinning around, move out of my way" Kylie returns to her dance pop roots from the strangeness of Impossible Princess. Proclaimed her comeback song (the poor woman has suffered the "comeback song!" curse many times), this song is bright, assertive, irresistible and fun. Even now, 10 years later, if you want to put on your headphones and strut like a woman in charge, this is the go-to song. It's no surprise that this song got the album off to a great start.

Title Track- Light Years
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7WPhqTGA8U
*A fuckin' weird song, but since it closes this album, by this point you are either riding high on the Kylie wave or you are so full of cheese that you feel like a Pizza Pocket. In it Kylie assumes the role of intergalactic flight attendant, taking the listener on a trip to, I dunno, aural fantasy? It's spaced out, sparse and features a spoken interlude where Kylie does a safety anouncement directing listeners to the emergency exits. If this is the Mission Statement of the album, one can only assume that Kylie is saying "hey, I'm gonna take you on a voyage to fun and fanciful places. Come along!". I dig it.

Final Thoughts: Holy crap, this is a jaunty album. There is "summer album" and then there is this. I can see how it would be easy to dismiss this album as piffle, even braindead. But frankly, sometimes you just want to put on an album you know will a)put a smile on your face and b)a tap in your toe. A lot of the songs may be silly ("Koocachoo", "Your Disco Needs You" - did they all just sing ASS?) but I love it. After Impossible Princess I can understand her desire to do what she does best: bright, danceable, pop perfection. "Butterfly" remains one of my favourite songs by her. There's a line in "Kids" that really sums it up: "and we'll paint by numbers 'til something sticks, I don't mind doing it for the kids". She knows she isn't breaking any new ground, or blowing anyone's minds. She's doing it for the people who want it, and that's fine by her (and me!)

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Fever- released 2002

Lead Single- Can't Get You Out Of My Head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFx3WX4DES0&feature=related
* Sing it with me folks : "la la la, la la la laa laaa"! Don't act like you don't know this song, and don't act like it didn't rule your brain for weeks after it came out. Now I'm gonna say something shocking here: in theory, as a lead single, she was bonkers to use it. It's weird, stuttery, almost overly simple, and compared to some other songs, it should never have been the lead. Second, third single, maybe. In practice, it was (and still is) one of the greatest pop songs ever recorded. You listen to this song once or twice and it is lodged in your brain like a hungry tick, until you are sitting at your desk humming the "la la laa"s without even realizing it. Even the video is kind of whackadoo (here begins her practice of making dancers do weird ass things), but nothing can compare to her white, one piece, hooded dress thingy. I'm a homosaurus rex and even I was like "DAYYYUMMM!" when I saw her in it. It was this song which made me into a Kylie fan (I was still unaware of anything before this except for "Locomotion").

Title Track- Fever
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUsr8kuf5-I
*What the crap? I love this song, but really Kylie, you have come down with a case of lovesickness fever and you need a doctor to heal you? I have tried to figure out how this song could work as a Mission Statement, but it really doesn't work. Unless it is to say that dancing is the cure to what ails you, and this album is meant to fix you? A weird little song, very disposable.

Final Thoughts- Oh Fever, how I love you. This was the first album I owned of hers, and so I always look to this as the yardstick by which I measure her other releases- how do they compare to Fever? The album is a slice of euro-pop wonder, and is one of those rare albums where you listen from front to back and everything is solid. Standouts are "In Your Eyes" (easily one of the top 3 best songs she's done), "Love At First Sight", "Love Affair"...oh hell, everything rocks my socks. What I love best about this is that it takes the joy and bounce of Light Years and strips away a lot of the silliness that rendered it a bit (ok, a lot) cheesy. Really, for anyone looking to get into Kylie, this is where you start.

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Body Language- released 2004

Lead Single- Slow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNFe7XSt6os
* As a lead single, this is a total fail for me. There's no hook, nothing that bites into me and says "LISTEN TO MEEEEEEEE!". Yes, it's sexy and seductive and she lays on the breathy vocals like she's dying of tuberculosis but it's too joyless and calculated (and therein lies a major problem I have with the rest of the album.). I like my Kylie poppy and fun, and I can certainly allow for her to try out different things, but this took away her soul, for me.

Title Track- Slow
* Again, this counts as the title track only in the sense that she says "body language" in it. As a Mission Statement, it makes it very clear that she's going to try to ply you with her slinky, electro charms. It also displays that her dancey, hooky fun is out the window in favour of cold, calculated synth. *sad face*

Final Thoughts- I will give credit where credit is due, there are some good songs. I like "Secret (Take You Home)", "Chocolate" (where she does slinky/sexy correctly), "Loving Days", but on the whole I just never got into this album. I always get the feeling that this was her attempt to become more mainstream by ditching the bubbly charm that always kept her on the outs with "serious" listeners in favour of r&b sounds and inoffensive electro. If Kylie has gone through many different incarnations, this was 'Serious Kylie', and I'm not feeling it.

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X- released 2007

Lead Single- 2 Hearts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0try34LV68g
* Let me be clear: I fucking ADORE this song. That out there? Y'all get that? Ok good. Now then, WORST LEAD SINGLE OF LIFE. Suddenly Kylie becomes glam-pop-rock queen? It makes no sense. By leading off an album with a style so unlike typical Kylie, I feel like she alienated a lot of potential new listeners who were so blatantly confused by the shift in style. X was supposed to be (another) her comeback album and this likely ruined the chance of that; people just didn't know what the hell was going on. As for the musical worth of this song, it's a smash. Handclaps, jaunty "woooo!"s, slamming piano, and a more organic sound make for one of her most unique songs. Granted it's all a sound that we don't really hear again on the album but you have to love it anyways.

Title Track- umm, there isn't one.
* X was always meant to refer to the fact that it was her 10th album. In a way, that highlights a failing of this album: it has no clear Mission Statement, no throughline to make a cohesive album. More on that...

Final Thoughts- ...right now. X is a solid collection of songs, no doubt about it. When it came out it was just about the only thing I had the ability to listen to! But recently I've been reading some reviews of it that were all united on the fact that it's just not a great album. The Kylie fanboy in me screamed "NO YOU ARE WRONG! IT'S AMAZING! GRRRAAAWWWWRRRR!!!" but I thought I should take an objective view at it and yeah, as an album it's a bit weak. The awesome songs are there, they just don't all fit together. She plays style hopscotch like she did in Impossible Princess and once again the results are a bit discordant and confused. I still love a great many of the songs here, "In My Arms", "Wow", "All I See", "Speakerphone", and more, but they're better served as individual listens that a straight, front to back listen.

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Aphrodite- released 2010

Lead Single- All The Lovers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW1W_9IqskY
* Oh holy hell, I need to compose myself. We go from "2 Hearts" as the worst lead single of life to this, the best. When I first heard this song it became my life goal to listen to it on repeat until my ears dropped off from overload. Much like "Spinning Around", she lays it all out in the first line: 'dance, it's all I wanna do so baby dance'. Nice and clear of her, innit? What follows is a euphoric, propulsive, emminently danceable, lyrically unabashed celebration of love and dance. What really sells it for me is that it, for me, is the ultimate alchemy of joyful pop Kylie with a current, 'grown up' sound. It's the kind of song that should rightly convert the critics. The best bit happens after the slowdown that follows the second chorus. Her voice fades away, blippy percussion skitters along for a handful of beats and then BAM! Drums and the kind of kind of blissful synth that makes you want to raise your arms and sway bursts out. Gives me shivers almost every time. Bonus points go to the video for being such a (scantily clad) blast :D

Title Track- Aphrodite
(there are no versions of this on youtube *sad face*)
* If you want a Mission Statement, you've got it. Backed by a stompy, military sound Kylie makes it very clear that she is back to rock your world and she's doing it better than others can do it. It's a bit of a departure for her, because she's always been the kind to do her own thing, oblivious to others. Yet here she is saying she's pop-queen shit and all y'all others better recognize. It's a new incarnation, "Dominant Kylie" and it fits her like a glove. A little ego, a little bragging, it's all good. I can see this becoming a HUGE hit with gays and single, sassy women everywhere. WERK!

Final Thoughts- Again it seemed like Kylie needed a comeback album, something to put her in the spotlight and really let her explode. If Light Years did it for her in the 00's, then Aphrodite is definitely it for the 10's. She's at her best making pop music to put you on the dancefloor and boy howdy she doesn't disappoint. There are a couple hiccups, admittedly, like "Illusion" and "Looking For An Angel", but they don't detract all that much. The one-two punch of "All The Lovers" followed by "Get Outta My Way" (just TRY listening to this while you are walking without power strutting) are enough to to make this album a classic, but there are bright spots like "Cupid Boy", "Better Than Today", "Closer", "Can't Beat This Feeling" and more. It is no surprise that it is already shaping up to be her most successful album, critically and commercially, since Fever (which was, in fact, slagged a bit critically), hitting #1 in several European countries as well as debuting higher than any album she's released in the US.

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FINAL NOTE- Albeit not official studio albums, it should be metioned that she also has a couple live albums that are essential listening. Defying expectations of typical pop stars, betch can sing live! Her live shows are fantastic and she has a keen knack of reworking older songs to make them really special, like "Locomotion" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z-cjxaZNiw ). I would absolutely recommend Showgirl: Homecoming (her return to the stage after finishing treatment for cancer). SO GOOD!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I have a dream...and it is odd. CHICKEN!!

I am going to try to describe my dream from last night and try to describe it well, but details are already getting a little hazy, so I will do my best.

I was in a massive cafeteria, such as you might find in a university or a hospital. People everywhere. Me being me, I was hungry, and decided to go to KFC. Yay for no lineups! I get up to the counter, order myself a 10 piece chicken meal, because I have never eaten apparently.

TWIST! I'm short on money. I need two more dollars. That's when random attractive stranger wearing a suit appears and offers to pay the rest. My hero! He's cute too. Shaggy but well controlled dark hair, tall, baby faced. *nom*

We get to chatting (no idea what about) and we decide that he's going to join me for lunch. I have a lot of chicken after all! But then my phone rings and it's Macy Gray who needs me to come get her from the beach. BAD TIMING!!

What I end up doing is I leave the box of chicken with Rando (he never gets a name) and make him promise not to leave the cafeteria. I drive off to the beach, pick up Macy Gray, and drive back. Once we get out of the car she starts walking away, but in my dream she has monstrously long legs, so to keep up I have to run after her. We soon part ways.

I get back into the cafeteria and lo and behold, Rando is not to be found. MAMA NEEDS HIS CHICKEN! Cue entrance of Marie who just appears out of nowhere, and we try to find him. She comes up with the plan that if one of us starts to shout "CHICKEN!?" then he'll know to respond with "CHICKEN!!" and we'll find him. So suddenly there's the two of us yelling "CHICKEN?!" at the top of our lungs, followed by a distant shout of "CHICKEN!!".

Eventually we find him hidden around a corner at a table for him and I, and he has now changed into casual clothes. Marie totally disappears from the dream (sorry luv!) at this point. Your influence will soon be felt again though, don't worry! I suppose we must eat the food and chat, but I don't think any of this took place in my dream because suddenly we're into a musical interlude as if we were in Glee and he's singing a song that in the real world I'm faaaaaairly sure doesn't exist, but in Dream World I was sure was sung by Daughtry (there you are again Marie). I don't know if the song was supposed to be about what he was feeling at the moment or if it was about me, but he was singing and dancing alone in a totally black room doing some inexplicably high kicks while hitting the notes (the best way to descibe his kicks are like when the Cullens are playing baseball in the first Twilight movie, and Alice is pitching. Every time she throws the ball she does this weird kick, and that's what dream guy was doing. Because why not?)

That's where the dream ends, because I rolled over in my sleep and pissed off my angry sunburnt back. The first few minutes were a weird mood combination of "OW my back" and "that was weird..." and "mmm fried chicken".

If anyone wants to take a stab at dream interpretation, have at 'er! I'm especially intrigued to know what Macy Gray's long legs were all about.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Well slap my ass and call me Wanda

I just got inordinately excited that there was a new Indigo Girls album out, then quickly realized I'm not a lesbian living in the 90's and the moment passed.

It's the small things...

I just had the distinct pleasure of throwing water at an earwig so as to flush it down the kitchen sink.

What really made the moment special was that as it was slipping through the holes in the drain it seemingly grabbed ahold of the metal edges with it's skittery-awful little legs and clung to it like it was re-enacting a scene from Cliffhanger. As I refilled my mug with water it held on for dear life, trying to pull itself back out and it's frantic misery brought me great pleasure.

It took a couple mugs of water to finally wrench it free of the drain but I got the wiggly bastard. ENJOY YO' SWIM, BITCH!

Furthermore, I discovered a way to make killing earwigs more enjoyable (aka I don't want to huddle in a corner and moan). I pretend I'm a ninja-raptor killer and stalk around the bedroom with my hands full of kleenex. When I find an earwig (not hard to do lately) I give a little raptor-shriek and give it a violent peck with the kleenex glove. Surprisingly satisfying!

...

How I've never been committed to a mental hospital is beyond me.